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The Bouquet Toss is a Sham

July 20, 2011

The world gets a lot of things wrong when it comes to the average woman. First of all, not all of us love shopping, and making jokes about women talking more than men just shows how little you pay attention to the number of women waiting for their guy to finish talking about the NFL labor dispute or which contestant on The Bachelorette should leave. What I’m saying is that men talk and gossip just as much as women.

But quite possibly the most awkward way that the world gets it wrong is by insisting that women love the bouquet toss at weddings.

This is what you can an exception to the rule. Or, "those women are cuh-razy!"

Have you ever actually looked at a group of women waiting to catch the bouquet? It’s how I imagine cows look as they’re waiting to get slaughtered. There’s a bit of curiosity in their eyes, (Who will catch it? Probably the tall girl.) but mostly a sense of dread because everyone forced you to participate by pointing at you and yelling “You’re single! You have to try catching the bouquet! YOU’RE NOT MARRIED!”

Seriously, what happens to married people after they tie the knot? Is there some sort of chemical that’s released in your brain, making you incapable of remembering what it’s like to be unmarried? Is that the same chemical that makes you incapable of staying awake past 10 p.m.?

As we stand around waiting for the bride to throw the flowers, we avoid making eye contact with each other. When we do, it’s usually to murmur something about not wanting to do this. I kid you not, I’ve been to weddings where no one moved after the flowers were thrown, and the bouquet fell to the floor without anyone making a move to catch it. Then one of the flower girls picked it up.

Granted, some women enjoy the bouquet toss, but they either play volleyball and can’t help it, or are part of the small percentage of women who let their Desperate Flag fly because they want all those single groomsmen to know that they’re single and have already begun naming their kids (Addison, Aiden, and Adelaide, I’m sure).

Occasionally you’ll see a fight break out for the bouquet, but it’s usually the result of competition to win, not because of the old wives tale that whoever catches the bouquet will get married next. There’s just something about pretty flowers that brings out the competitive side of women. I think it may have something to do with pent up anger over having to wait an hour at the reception for the bride and groom to finish taking photos.

Have you been to weddings where the women actually enjoyed the bouquet toss and legitimately fought for the right to get married next? Or are the weddings you’ve attended like those I’ve been to, where the men fight over the garter, more than the women fight over the bouquet?

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11 Comments leave one →
  1. July 20, 2011 3:50 pm

    I’ve seen the bouquet get caught in the chandelier and the ladies had a do-over

    I’ve also caught the garter, turned around, and found every other guy about five feet behind me.

    • dtdorrin permalink*
      July 20, 2011 4:58 pm

      I’ve seen the do-over too, usually because the bouquet didn’t make it to the group of women. I’ve seen some guys go crazy over the garter! Although I think it was because they were excited that it was an NC State garter…

  2. July 20, 2011 4:55 pm

    This is exactly why I won’t have a bouquet toss at my wedding–I don’t see how it would seem anything but smug to isolate my friends who aren’t part of a committed relationship yet. I’ve heard of brides presenting the bouquet to their mother, maid of honor, or the couple who’s been married the longest, and I think those are much more beautiful ideas than trying to orchestrate a fight.

    • dtdorrin permalink*
      July 20, 2011 4:57 pm

      Oh I like the idea of giving it to the couple who’s been married the longest! That’s a great alternative!

  3. Elizabeth permalink
    July 20, 2011 5:32 pm

    I was always one of those who’d just let the bouquet hit the ground until a friend told me she always fought for it, as her own personal competition to try to get it at every wedding she attends. I have not made that my goal, but I do try to “fight” for it…until it actually goes into the air…I don’t want to actually catch it. Somehow fake-fighting makes the scene less awkward and the photographer gets a good pic.

    • dtdorrin permalink*
      July 20, 2011 6:01 pm

      That’s a good plan! Maybe from now on I’ll pretend to be really into it, so the photographer will take a photo of me and I’ll be in every person’s wedding album. Years later they’ll look through it and wonder who the crazy girl is. Mission: accomplished.

  4. July 20, 2011 5:36 pm

    I’m headed back to the buffet when I hear “All the single ladies…” Mainly because it’s a conflict between I WANT THOSE FREE FLOWERS and “This is just plain weird.”

    I think it’s payback for having to stand in the huddled mass yourself before you found MR. Right. Sort of like hazing in a fraternity. But in heels.

    • dtdorrin permalink*
      July 20, 2011 6:01 pm

      Yes, it’s always about the free flowers for me! Though I’m short and it always goes to the tall girls…

  5. July 20, 2011 7:19 pm

    When the garter is tossed, I don’t move forward until somebody forces me. Then I just stand there with my hands in my pocket with all the other guys, and watch some 8 year old dive for it.

  6. July 22, 2011 3:03 pm

    David had to redo the garter toss at their wedding because he didn’t pull it back enough the first time. I got up to catch the bouquet, since I knew my family would be upset otherwise, but I stood about five feet back from the main group.

  7. August 12, 2011 3:28 pm

    http://randomblonde214.blogspot.com/2010/05/attack-and-conquer.html
    I actually wrote about catching the wedding bouquet once too. I love it, like you said, just for the competition of it all!! Now I have also been single for more years than Moses was in the desert, and I mention that, but I really get into just catching it for the purpose of winning :) I am a very fun, competative person. But…it did make me think of how I attack problems in life. If you get a chance check out my link :)

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