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The Weather is Fine and so are You

August 12, 2010

Here’s the thing, folks. I don’t like small talk. No one wins with small talk. And I know that when you ask how I’m doing, you’re just looking for a simple “I’m doing well,” so we can move on to something more exciting. Like the weather. Oh wait, no…the weather isn’t interesting. Which brings me to my point. There are two things that I hate talking about and I don’t particularly enjoy listening to other people talk about.

The weather.

And their health/medical issues.

In the winter, everyone feels the need to go on and on about the cold and how much they can’t wait for the spring and summer. In the spring, everyone complains about the pollen and allergies and the rain. In the summer, everyone complains about the heat and humidity. But for an all-too-brief moment in time known as autumn, everyone is content. The weather is cool but not too cool. The trees are turning beautiful shades of orange, red and yellow. Then those two weeks are over and it becomes colder than the stare of that old lady I cut off on 85 last week.

You know what? We get it. The weather sucks more often than not. Can we move on? Is it necessary for 76% of all Facebook statuses and Twitter updates to be a complaint about the weather? No, it’s not. There’s a lot going on in this world and therefore a lot more to talk about. And if you can’t find anything interesting to talk about, then just don’t update your social media.

If you have an ailment that would be on an episode of House, feel free to share. But spare me the gruesome parts.

The other thing I avoid like the plague is talking about health issues. Heck, even if I had the plague, I wouldn’t talk about it all the time and describe in excruciating detail what the doctors are telling me and all the symptoms and side effects. Because the fact is: no one cares. But something happens sometime in a person’s life (most often in a woman’s life) and half of their conversation concerns the medical issues they’re having, or they’re spouse, children, parents, friends, cousins, mail carrier and anyone else they’ve ever met.

I’ll admit I have a sensitive stomach and get grossed out easily, but isn’t just polite to refrain from medical talk when people are eating? Or eating soon? Or have eaten recently? Or are ever planning on eating again? That’s what I thought. So please, stop telling me about your hot flashes, hives or bloody injuries. Because unless it ends with a hilarious story about a puppy falling asleep, I don’t want to hear it*. Call me a jerk, but that’s just the way I feel.

*I actually do want to hear updates about people who are dealing with serious or life-threatening illnesses, I just don’t need details. Just the basic facts and no gory details.

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