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Two Halves Make a Whole

October 20, 2010

Behold: Two half posts to make a whole post.

When I was a kid and I had to take the trash out at night, my vivid imagination would scare me into believing a tiger was going to jump out from among the trees at any moment and maul me. Did I mention I grew up in central North Carolina where the closest tiger presided two hours away in the safe confines of the state zoo? So you might think this fear was irrational and crazy. But when the imagination is involved, sense goes out the window and adrenaline rises to the top.

This childhood fear has been replaced by a completely rational fear of a squirrel attack. Our yard is chock full of pecan trees and the squirrels guard these trees like Navy SEALS on a mission in the middle of hostile territory. And the hostiles are humans. As in–me. There is screeching, running and evil looks from the trees in every direction. I’m pretty sure they’re all plotting an airborne attack. And the real terror is the fact that you can’t prepare for an airborne attack when it comes from behind and it’s from an animal that is only a bushy tale away from being a rat.

So yes, I may have an overactive imagination, but it’s not my imagination seeing those evil death stares from the trees.

Taken with spy-like skills so as not to be detected.

I saw this guy at the NC State Fair. You know he’s going to win a girl’s heart with that thing. I’m sure he used his ball-throwing prowess to prove his undying love to his high school sweetheart. However, if this were a Nicholas Sparks story, she’d go off to college in the big(ger) city, while he stayed to work in the family business. She’d meet a new guy who reads poetry and goes to anti-war protests and quickly falls in love with him. But the new boyfriend breaks her heart when he joins Greenpeace and leaves her for the whales. She goes back home, apologizes to her high school sweetheart in a long, heartfelt letter tied around the neck of the oversized stuffed animal. He accepts her apology and they run to the courthouse to get married. On their way home from the courthouse they’re in a horrific car accident and the boy dies, leaving nothing for the girl except an oversized carnival prize. The end. I really don’t like Nicholas Sparks stories, but dang are they easy to write.

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3 Comments leave one →
  1. October 21, 2010 2:03 pm

    That would be the greatest Nicholas Sparks movie ever. What if the carnival animal ended up suffocating him after the car rolls countless times and comes to rest with it smothering his face? That way, it will emphasize the symbol of their love murdering him.

    You do realize you have a moral obligation to write this screenplay under the name Nikki Sparks, don’t you?

    • dtdorrin permalink*
      October 21, 2010 3:03 pm

      So true! The symbolism would take it to the next level, for sure. Maybe I’ll write this book under the pseudonym Nicole Sparky. Maybe the name would trick people into buying it.

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