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What Type of Single are You?

October 21, 2010

I know that roughly 98% of people older than 22 are married. Oh wait, is that just 98% of the people I know? Anyway, a lot of people are married, so this little ditty may not apply to you, but it could serve as a guide so you know who you’re dealing with the next time you find yourself among the Unmarrieds.

Unmarrieds often find themselves in a bubble surrounded by like-minded unattached friends. I think this is because it’s easier to stick with what you know. Also, most married people seem to go to bed around 7:30 p.m., and that really puts a cramp in the Unmarried lifestyle. (Hey-o! Went for the jugular on that joke!) Some cultures (Read: the majority of churches) like to gather all the singles in the same place and rope them off from other groups. I’ve heard this is so you can grow together* and have more in common, but I think it’s really because married people are hoping the singles will pair off.

Here’s how this works: You choose which of the four types in the first group applies to you, then choose which of the three in the second group applies. So you could be a 1b or a 3a and so on. This will mean absolutely nothing in real life, but it’s nice to try and define people so you can stereotype them and know what to expect.

Part 1:

1. Just passing through: These people are here just to kill time because it’s likely they won’t be here for long. Either they just broke up with someone with whom they’ll get together again and become engaged, or they’re attractive enough that a number 2 single will get their act together.

2. Taking their sweet time: This group has been around a while and seems to be in no hurry to leave. For men, it’s often because they’re waiting for perfection. For women, it’s often because they’re waiting for perfection. In other words, these people will be around until they realize that supermodels are airbrushed (and even the un-airbrushed models wouldn’t date them) or they’re stuck in fairy land and expect [insert your favorite Jane Austen hero] to walk in the door at any moment.

3. Waiting to Exhale: Neither quick to leave or too picky, the Waiting to Exhale group is riding down the middle of the proverbial road. They know what they want, but their list of demands resembles a grocery list, rather than a government document with enough by-laws and addendum to rule a small eastern European country. (I’m looking at your Type 2 singles.)

4. Trying the Sampler Platter: Basically, they’ll date anyone. If they haven’t asked you out or shown interest, it’s either because you’re hopelessly flawed or because you’re so far above their standards that even this Casanova/Female equivalent to Casanova won’t take a chance. But they casually date as many people as possible without ever making the final plunge into commitment.

Part 2:

A. Walled up and Shut up: Quiet people aren’t the most approachable people, so it’s a bit harder for them to meet potential partners or friends. So each group of singles usually has a population of super quiet members who deliver one-word answers and sit in the same chair during an entire party. It usually takes a brave and hardworking soul to work hard enough to crack their shell.

B. Observers: Not as quiet as Type A, these people observe everyone around them to get a feel for the people, and then make a move into the group. Give them just a bit of time and soon they’ll join in on the fun, but not necessarily as the center of attention.

C. Life of the Party: These people are the very opposite of Walled up and Shut Up. All eyes turn to them when they come in the room because they’re either loud, fun or both. Those in group A or B may have a hard time not being jealous of them, not that I have any experience in this at all.

So what about you? If you’re single, what type are you? And if you’re married, why the heck aren’t you setting me up with a potential husband?

*Side note and soap box moment: I think it’s silly to think that married people and single people don’t have enough in common to spend time with each other. Too many singles ignore their married friends and too many married friends abandon their single friends. We can all learn from each other and grow. Rant: complete.

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2 Comments leave one →
  1. Schniff Schnaff Shalomie permalink
    October 21, 2010 3:51 pm

    You’re right. Let’s hang out this weekend. We’ll find you a potential husband and get you to move up here.

    • dtdorrin permalink*
      October 21, 2010 4:37 pm

      Agreed. I’m adding it to my calendar and will see you in approximately 26 hours. To make things easy, have a lineup of men ready for my perusal.

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