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30-Second Thoughts

November 10, 2010

I’ve lived in 47 places in the last 18 months (that number is actually closer to 4). If someone had told me as a kid how much time I would spend figuring out how to use the microwave in each new place I live, I would have told them they’re crazy and to be quiet so I could watch Clarissa Explains it All. Seriously, it is amazing and a little depressing how much time I spend trying to remember where the Stop/Clear button on my current microwave is.

I’m pretty sure most people would agree that there should be some sort of IQ test required to have a driver’s license, so I won’t go into a full-length tirade on the subject. But I will say this—the following should be on the test: “What is the on-ramp for?” And if they don’t answer “To gain speed before entering the highway, so as not to be going 35 mph while everyone on the highway is going 70” then no license for them. It’s not that hard, people.

Someone Googled “pics of unicorn standing up” and got to my blog. I think it’s safe to say my life’s mission is complete.

Pet peeve: I don’t understand people who clap at the end of movies. Who are you clapping for? Is it just in case some of the actors or producers are in the audience and you’re hoping that they’ll hear your applause and say to themselves, “Why, that is a person who appreciates great cinema. I must make them a part of my next movie, thus skyrocketing them to fame!” It’s not going to happen, crackhead. Just express your love for the movie to your friends.

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4 Comments leave one →
  1. Schniff Schnaff Shalomie permalink
    November 10, 2010 1:10 pm

    1. I lived 6 places between October ’07 and October ’08. And I agree about microwaves; they set-up should be pretty standard, but everyone’s got to be different, I suppose. Like my work microwave; to set the time, you push one of four buttons: 1 second, 10 seconds, 1 minute, 10 minutes. Seriously. So 0:02:22 goes from a 3-button to a 6 button combo.

    2. I concur. Also annoying is when you are using the on-ramp accurately, but someone on the road fails to accept you plan to merge. Still not as annoying as people who bypass the sidewalk to walk in the middle of the road, and refuse to move for cars.

    3. Yesssssssss.

    4. So I shouldn’t applaud when I watch a movie at home, either?

    • dtdorrin permalink*
      November 10, 2010 1:59 pm

      The worst microwaves are the ones that assign a certain amount of time to each number. Like if you press the number one, it automatically starts at 30 seconds or whatever. STOP TRYING TO READ MY MIND MICROWAVE.

  2. November 10, 2010 1:49 pm

    Just express your love for the movie to your friends……. by CLAPPING!!!

    • dtdorrin permalink*
      November 10, 2010 1:57 pm

      Whatevs. You can clap, but your friends will be embarrassed for you. Especially if you’re clapping for Star Wars. Oh, I said it. 🙂

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