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30-Second Thoughts

December 6, 2010

The following are a few thoughts that are too short for a full blog post, but too long for things like Twitter.

Have you ever noticed how arrogant people act when they boldly proclaim that they “never follow a recipe”? It’s like they’ve realized they’re an adult and since they can’t be rebellious toward their parents by coming home late, they just ignore recipe instructions and expect everyone to be impressed by their flagrant disregard for what works. I’m not talking about people who don’t like onions, so they don’t use them. I’m talking about those who act like substituting extra sharp cheddar cheese for parmesan should earn them the awe of their peers. Sorry, buddy. Not going to happen.

Sarah Palin should team up with someone named Tall (nickname or maybe their last name) and have a show named Sarah Palin and Tall. I guess it could be some sort of reality show or maybe a news show where they talk about whatever it is they believe about politics. Or, even better, it could be a variety show where she plays the goofy half of a hilarious odd couple. We’re talking comedy gold here, folks.

I love seeing movies in the theater, but hardly ever go because I have very strict rules about how a civilized person should behave in a movie theater. Basically, don’t make any noise whatsoever for the entire duration of the film*. But you know the saying, “Two’s company, three’s a crowd”? Or “Three can keep a secret, if two of them are dead”? My saying is “You can enjoy a movie with other people, as long as everyone has duct tape on their mouths.” That way, no one talks and no one eats noisy food. But I’ve decided that the best way to combat the food situation is to open a theater that only sells quiet foods—like apple sauce or pudding. They would be served in plastic containers, and ushers would ensure there was absolutely no slurping. Basically, it would be like going to the movies in a minimum security prison, but with really comfortable chairs.

*Talking is allowed during movies I’ve seen multiple times, or if it’s a really bad movie and everyone has agreed that making fun of the movie is a better use of our time.

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4 Comments leave one →
  1. December 7, 2010 9:58 am

    Extending your movie theater thought….

    What if they showed a clip before the actual movie started, kind of like what you watch right before taking off on an airplane? Very instructional and pointed unlike those vague cell phone admonishments. It could cover and demonstrate things like not talking, chewing with your mouth closed, and not sitting directly in front of or behind someone unless absolutely necessary.

    We should totally film this for the profit, but also to prevent cinema rage incidents that are bubbling up across the globe.

    • dtdorrin permalink*
      December 8, 2010 11:01 am

      That is brilliant! Although I can’t decide if it should be funny or serious. If it’s funny, people might not take it seriously, but I’m all about the funny…

  2. December 7, 2010 3:00 pm

    I would like to see Harry Potter and the Last Movie in your Nazi war camp duct tape applesauce & pudding prison theater.

    Or I’ll just bring a paintball gun to a regular one.

    Ps Knox, how bout you stop commenting on all the blogs I read before I get there? the following is what I had originally wanted to comment but had to delete upon reading yours.

    Extending your movie theater thought….

    What if they showed a clip before the actual movie started, kind of like what you watch right before taking off on an airplane? Very instructional and pointed unlike those vague cell phone admonishments. It could cover and demonstrate things like not talking, chewing with your mouth closed, and not sitting directly in front of or behind someone unless absolutely necessary.

    We should totally film this for the profit, but also to prevent cinema rage incidents that are bubbling up across the globe.

    Thanks T, for the post.

    Thanks Knox, you’ve ruined my life.

    • dtdorrin permalink*
      December 8, 2010 11:02 am

      I’ll try to have it up and running by July, but I can’t make promises. The alternative would be to get just rich enough that I can rent out an entire theater and just invite people I know who will be quiet.

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