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I’ve been wondering…

January 19, 2011

Here are a few things that have been floating around in my brain. They are each completely pointless and have absolutely no impact on the world whatsoever.

1. Do you remember when the Facebook status box had the word “is” in it? So it would be “Tiffany Dorrin is [fill in the blank].” There was a portion of the population who would often just fill in the blank with ellipses, so it read “Tiffany Dorrin is…” I never understood that. Are they trying to be philosophical? Is that some sort of way to ask what are we all really doing anyway? Aren’t we just masses of atoms floating around in infinite space? What does it all mean?

Or maybe they were trying to be mysterious and make their friends wonder what’s going on. Not that these emo kids would have answered. That, by the way, is a sure sign of an emo kid: They over share on social media and then refuse to tell anyone what’s wrong.

2. Why do so many people say they’re going jogging, when what they’re really doing is shuffling quickly? Seriously, go down to your local park and watch the people who are “jogging.” I’d say about a third of them are actually shuffling. They are barely lifting their feet and they are going no faster than walkers, but they call it jogging. I’m going to let you in on a secret: Saying you’re a jogger does not make you any more impressive than if you said you are a walker. So just save your knees some stress and give in to the glories of walking fast.

3. Speaking of spying on shufflers at your local park, have you ever noticed how proud people are that they enjoy people watching? A lot of people act like they’re one of just a few who genuinely enjoy people watching. We all sit around and exclaim about how much fun it is to people watch and we give tips on the best places to sit and judge humanity. I think women do this more than men—we think it makes us quirky or whatever. But really, we all do it and we all just like looking at people and making things up about them. Yet we all act like it’s a personality trait unique to us.

By the way, the best place to watch people is at any sort of singles get-together. Put a bunch of unmarried folks in a room and watch the awkward magic happen.

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