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Five Signs You Might be an Emo Adult

February 18, 2011

There should be more nature documentaries about people. National Geographic or the Discovery channel could visit malls and film people while someone with a soothing voice talks about what’s going on.

The teenage male has spotted a potential mate. It looks as though he is working up the courage to approach the young female standing in the Subway line. It is a common practice for males of this age to prepare for such events by dousing themselves in perfumed spray. It believed that such cologne signals to the female that he is virile and available for a relationship. What is really shows the female is that he never learned how to put on cologne.”

My favorite shows would be about emo kids. These are the teens wearing super-skinny jeans, hair that covers their eyes, and are particularly emotional and angsty. Most people grow out of this angst-laden phase in college, but the remnants of this subculture persist in adults. What we are left with is the Emo Adult. Here are five signs you might be an Emo Adult:

Passive Aggressive Updates
Are you ever tempted to post Facebook and Twitter updates that are passive aggressive? You make a snide comment about your friends (or lack thereof), or perhaps post song lyrics that make absolutely no sense out of context. What you really want to happen is for someone to ask what’s wrong, so you can turn around and say nothing is wrong. Then you’re hoping they’ll continue asking until you burst into a tirade of emotional outpouring.

Addicted to Tumblr
Tumblr sites allow people to post and re-post photos, songs, videos, and text from all over the internet and other Tumblr sites. It’s a great place to go down the rabbit hole and see all sorts of awkwardly emotional photos and quotes and photos with quotes on them. Have you ever started looking at a Tumblr site and then found yourself in the same exact spot five hours later, staring at a photo of a hipster quoting a Bright Eyes lyric? If so, you just might be an Emo Adult.

Denial of Maintenance Level
You tell everyone (including yourself) that you are low maintenance. You don’t ask for much—you just ask that your friends be psychic. Everyone around you knows that you are actually very high maintenance. A perfect example of this is how you treat birthdays and holidays. Here’s how it might go: You don’t say anything about what you’d like to do for your birthday, even when asked. The big day comes around and you become upset that the day did not turn out how you wanted. You expected everyone to automatically know what you wanted to do or receive on your birthday. Not only is this a communication fail, it’s proof that you are an Emo Adult.

Secret Twilight Love
Deep down (or maybe not so deep down) you like the Twilight series and you’re rooting for Team Edward. You identify with Bella and her lack of communication skills. You still can’t believe that Edward left Bella in the second book, but you are able to overlook that fact because it was for her own good. You might also keep the movie ticket stubs in a special memory box so you can always and forever remember the midnight viewing of each film.

You wouldn’t understand.”
If you’ve been tempted to utter those words at any time during the reading of this ridiculous post, then you’re an Emo Adult. If you’ve ever been arguing with someone and said (or wanted to say) “You just wouldn’t understand,” then you’re an Emo Adult. I’ll tell you what you don’t understand: There is a difference between being mysterious and being annoying.

If you identify with at least three of these five things, you just might be an Emo Adult. Go ahead, buddy. Admit it and let all that pent-up anger out. Write some poetry or a song about it.

Am I the only person who knows a few adults who have emo tendencies? Am I the only person who wants to throat punch them when they post passive aggressive Facebook updates?

One Comment leave one →
  1. February 18, 2011 4:45 pm

    Sadly, this behavior doesn’t restrict itself to the Emo culture. It’s called needing to man up, you’re an adult for pete’s sake, either do something about your problem or let it go.

    I know quite a few of these who are otherwise not Emo.

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