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Twitter Trends Short Story

February 28, 2011

The following topics are trending as I type this post on Monday, February 28 at 3 p.m. EST: #Iwasthekid, #twitterpetpeeve, Clinton Portis, #bornthiswaymusicvideo, Mike Bibby, Teubert, California King Bed, Kirk Douglas, and Raining Men

I thought it would be a fun writing exercise to write a very short story incorporating all nine topics. This idea is probably lame and will reveal just how uninspired I’m feeling about writing a blog entry, but bear with me as I try to fulfill my goal of writing every day.

I was the kid whose parents made him spend autumn afternoons raking leaves while other kids were taking advantage of the season’s last warm days by riding their bikes and building unsafe ramps. Despite the pleas of my parents not to do so, I always ended up turning the rake into a weapon and battling monsters that were hiding in the piles of leaves. As a secret agent, it was my sworn duty to defend our split level home.

After a few hours of raking the leaves and then scattering them all over again during battle, my parents would give up and tell me I could go down the street to play with my best friend Mike Bibby.

Going to Mike’s house was always an exercise in ignoring the weird things in life. His dad looked exactly like a young Kirk Douglas, and spent hours each day lying on his California King Bed watching ESPN and VHS tapes of old football games. His mom spent most of her time in the kitchen listening to music from the 1980s, (her favorite seemed to be It’s Raining Men. I tried not to think about why,) or watching afternoon talk shows about paternity tests and the best way to lose weight fast. Which was odd because his mom was 5′ 1” and 90 pounds soaking wet.

On this particular day after fighting off aliens disguised as piles of leaves, I was ready to do something we’d never done before: Make our first feature film. After brainstorming ideas, Mike and I decided the movie would be about a CIA agent named Clinton Portis with a robot sidekick named Teubert. We named the movie Born This Way and Portis and Teubert were tasked with the job of finding and destroying aliens that had taken on the shape of everyday Earth objects such as toasters, VW Bugs, or mechanical pencils. It was convenient that each of these things was readily available to us at Mike’s house.

The operation they undertook for this film was code named TWITTER, an acronym for Together We Infiltrate Tiny Tubular Earth Rockets. I see now that the mission’s title made absolutely no sense, but we thought twitter was a funny word. Later, Mike and I would call it a twitter pet peeve any time someone was acting fake. A nerd who was trying to act like a jock was, to us, like an alien trying to be a toaster. It made sense in our pre-teen imaginations.

While watching the final footage for our film, we realized that his mom’s blaring music could be heard throughout the entire film and we had ended up making a Born This Way music video. As Portis and Teubert fought to save humanity from his mom’s lime green VW Bug, our background music was Tainted Love by Soft Cell. I’m not sure how, but it worked. To this day I can’t hear that song without feeling the urge to pick up a rake and pick a fight with someone.

2 Comments leave one →
  1. Schniff Schnaff Shalomie permalink
    February 28, 2011 4:54 pm

    Well done. I think this is a worthy endeavor for Mondays.

  2. Paul permalink
    February 28, 2011 7:19 pm

    I concur.

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