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Overheard in Hollywood

March 2, 2011

Setting: Very exclusive bar. You’ve probably never heard of it.
Mood: Panic that has been lessened by the consumption of several martinis.
Characters: Three Hollywood executives.

Executive 1: We have to do something about the public’s interest in Hollywood. Sure, they’ll pick up magazines with the face of a celebrity on the cover, but we need to saturate every part of their life with information about people they don’t know.

Executive 2: Exactly! We need a way to get them so addicted to celebrity gossip, that they’re willing to spend hours a day and tons of money just to see what famous people look like without makeup. How else will we continue making more and more money?

Executive 3: We could try making movies and television shows with original plots and characters, rather than just recycling the same old thing over and over.

:: Blank stares from Executives 1 and 2. Then they erupt in laughter. ::

Executive 2: Oh man! You really had me going there! Woo boy! That was a good one!

:: Executive 3 shifts uncomfortably in his seat, realizing that he almost blew his cover and let it slip that he’s a movie snob and owns the entire library of Ingmar Bergman films. ::

Executive 1: Wait! I think I’ve got it! What do the minions like more than anything?

Executive 2: Sequels?

Executive 1: Nope…

Executive 2: Matthew McConaughey without a shirt?

Executive 1: Nuh-uh…

Executive 2: People looking stupider than them so they can feel better about their insignificant lives?

Executive 1: Exactly! People love celebrity meltdowns!

Executive 3: Wait guys…what are you suggesting?

Executive 1: What if we had a rotating list of celebrities and whenever things in Hollywood start to get boring, the next person in line has a very public meltdown? We could even give them some sort of compensation.

Executive 2: Yes! Like a book deal or a lifetime supply of razor scooters!

Executive 1: Your obsession with scooters is a little weird…

Executive 2: Whatever, those things are fresh to death.

Executive 3: Fresh to death?

Executive 1: Anyway, we can approach celebrities that look like their star is fading or have had meltdowns in the past.

Executive 2: I’ve got Mel Gibson on speed dial.

Executive 1: I’ll talk to Charlie Sheen and Britney Spears.

Executive 3: I feel dirty.

Executive 1: Drink another martini.

:: End scene ::

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2 Comments leave one →
  1. Schniff Schnaff Shalomie permalink
    March 2, 2011 4:53 pm

    Sadly possible…

    Good stuff, Tiff.

  2. March 2, 2011 5:58 pm

    it happens.

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