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Three Reasons All-You-Can-Eat Buffets are Gross

April 4, 2011

Short story shorter: I don’t like all-you-can-eat buffets. They gross me out and cost too much. Here are three reasons why.

1. If you take a perfectly wonderful type of food and then sit it in a pan under hot lights for eleventy hours, 89% of its wonderfulness is lost to its lukewarm oldness.

2. You’re forced to pay an outrageous amount for the right to eat as much as you want. But after one and a half plates of mediocre food, you’re finished and wondering if they’ll give you a partial refund.

3. The candy used for ice cream toppings is left open and at the perfect level for germ-laden children to reach their hands in and grab a fistful of warm gummy bears.

Also, this commercial should be played on a loop as punishment for repeat offenders:

4 Comments leave one →
  1. Dan Strayer permalink
    April 4, 2011 6:14 pm


  2. April 5, 2011 12:58 am

    all-you-can-eat buffets are not financially advisable for the highly metabolic and chronically easily filled. I.e. me.

    • dtdorrin permalink*
      April 7, 2011 4:02 pm

      Agreed! Especially if it’s a Chinese buffet because you are inevitably hungry an hour letter. Or maybe I’m just the only one who is hungry an hour after eating any type of Chinese food.

  3. Blake permalink
    May 8, 2013 1:21 pm

    They should be illegal. The food waste to consumption ratio has to be astonishing coupled with a growing population. We will all be screwed.

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