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How Horrible Timing Turns me Into a Stalker

April 7, 2011

I have horrible timing. Horrible. Let’s say I need to remind someone about something or talk to them about something important. I am incapable of bringing it up at the right time. And when it comes to arriving at a destination at a non-awkward time I am hopeless. I’m almost always too early and end up driving around to kill time so I don’t have to stand around like the weird eighth grader who arrives at the school dance while they’re still hanging up the streamers.

This has become even more apparent during my workout. I’ve started jogging at a nearby park, but since I’m a wuss I go back and forth between jogging and walking to build up endurance. I take the loop around the park, along with several other people. I think we need a diagram for this to make sense. And because diagrams are the best.

Park diagram

Those are 2 baseball diamonds and a pond, by the way.


Here’s how it goes. I start jogging at point A, and start walking at point B. Then I jog again at point C and walk at point D. This is all well and good, except for that whole timing thing I was talking about. Inevitably, just as I start to jog at point C, another jogger will catch up to me, so I start jogging just after they pass me.

Hello, my name is Tiffany and I’m a stalking jogger.

One guy even looked back at me a few times. I imagine it was to make sure I wasn’t about to break out a shiv. Because nothing says “I’m carrying a shiv” like wearing an old t-shirt from a Christian summer camp.

I’ve discovered that the only time I have awesome timing is when using the microwave. I can put three minutes on that sucker, go do something else, and get back to the microwave with precision timing like my life depends on that popcorn being just perfect.

The rest of the time, though, I’m stuck being the stalking jogger that gets to the party too early.

4 Comments leave one →
  1. Schniff Schnaff Shalomie permalink
    April 7, 2011 3:46 pm

    Let’s not forget we’ve had a good friend demonstrate when this style of jogging is AWESOME.

    • dtdorrin permalink*
      April 7, 2011 4:00 pm

      Yes! I have thought about that many, many times and laughed to myself about it. Good times, good memories.

  2. Sarah Miller permalink
    April 7, 2011 4:23 pm

    If I am correct, I may start stalking you at this somewhat specific local out!!

    • dtdorrin permalink*
      April 11, 2011 12:19 pm

      Yes! You should totally come join me and we can stalker joggers together. 🙂

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