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30-Second Thoughts

April 25, 2011

The letter Q has got to be the most high maintenance letter of the alphabet (the English alphabet at least). Why does it just have to have the letter U with it all the time? Here’s the thing: Humans just made up the written alphabet, so we’re allowed to make up the rules. It’s not like with a dog, where by the laws of science you have to feed them or else they stop working (AKA: die). So why in the world did someone decide the Q had to have a U? Why further complicate a language that is already complicated? What were they thinking? I’ll tell you what—they weren’t thinking. Thanks a lot, people from a long time ago who probably also decided to give us 47 different pronunciations for “gh” (thought, though, cough, etc.). This will be filed under “Why in the world are you even thinking about this?”

Do you think The Olive Garden would pay me to go from restaurant to restaurant, acting as inexplicably happy about eating their mid-priced Italian-inspired food as the people in their commercials? That sort of enthusiasm is contagious, so maybe if I went from place to place, my feigned happiness would rub off on the other patrons, creating a great memory for them so they’d come back again to eat at The Olive Garden. I’m throwing down great ideas left and right up in this place.

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