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An Open Letter to Fast Food Restaurants

June 29, 2011

Dear fast food restaurants,

Don’t worry, I’m not going to berate you for selling unhealthy food. That is SO early 2000s. I do have a couple of issues, though, both involving the drive-thru window and culminating in a single question: Why do you insist on screwing up a system that worked perfectly fine for years?

First, what’s with the multiple drive-thru lanes? Which one do I go to? Should I go to the original one, closest to the building? Or if someone is already in line, do I go directly to the second one, even if it’s not busy? Do you even have two people working the drive-thru lane, taking orders, or is this just some sort of psychological mind game you’re playing?

Well? Is it? Are you just toying with me?

Trust me, you do not want to toy with me when I’m hungry. Have you ever seen Jurassic Park 2, where the raptors are attacking people as they walk through a field? I’m not saying this is an accurate illustration of my behavior toward people, but I’m also not saying you should confuse me with your multiple lanes when I haven’t had anything to eat all day.

Second, what’s with the recording asking me if I want to try your new menu item? This is perhaps the most confusing thing to ever happen to a drive-thru window. Am I supposed to answer the computer voice? Or do I just roll right past it and order my chicken sandwich? Can’t I get a live person telling me hello, so I know when to start? I need some sort of social cue letting me know it’s my turn to make a move and tell you what I want.

Anyway, thanks for the cheap food. I’ll try not to think about the corners you’ve cut in order to make my entire meal cost less than $5. Just please remember—if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it.


7 Comments leave one →
  1. June 29, 2011 3:28 pm

    Funny. Fortunately, I haven’t yet come across the double drive through. Though, it probably won’t happen as I don’t put that kind of nasty in my body.

    “Trust me, you do want to toy with me when I’m hungry.”
    Maybe you mistyped this sentence??

    • dtdorrin permalink*
      June 29, 2011 3:30 pm

      Whoops! Thanks for letting me know–I changed it so it now makes sense. 🙂

  2. June 29, 2011 3:44 pm

    Whats the what with Chick-fil-a and the face to face ordering? I’m surprised you left that out.

    • dtdorrin permalink*
      June 29, 2011 4:14 pm

      That’s the exact thing that made me write this entry, but I decided to leave it out since I don’t encounter that every time. But yeah, not a fan. And I’d hate to the kids given that job on 96-degree days.

      • dtdorrin permalink*
        June 29, 2011 4:15 pm

        *hate to BE (geez)

  3. Elizabeth permalink
    June 29, 2011 5:42 pm

    I whole-heartedly agree with both these! I always wonder about the special of the day thing, if I did want whatever the automatic voice is trying to get me to buy, do I just say yes? or do I have to answer in a complete sentence (yes, I do want to try the new mango pineapple smoothie)?

    • dtdorrin permalink*
      June 29, 2011 5:47 pm

      That is an excellent question! I usually don’t even really listen to what they’re saying because I’m busy wondering if I should answer them or not.

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