The Bouquet Toss is a Sham
The world gets a lot of things wrong when it comes to the average woman. First of all, not all of us love shopping, and making jokes about women talking more than men just shows how little you pay attention to the number of women waiting for their guy to finish talking about the NFL labor dispute or which contestant on The Bachelorette should leave. What I’m saying is that men talk and gossip just as much as women.
But quite possibly the most awkward way that the world gets it wrong is by insisting that women love the bouquet toss at weddings.
Have you ever actually looked at a group of women waiting to catch the bouquet? It’s how I imagine cows look as they’re waiting to get slaughtered. There’s a bit of curiosity in their eyes, (Who will catch it? Probably the tall girl.) but mostly a sense of dread because everyone forced you to participate by pointing at you and yelling “You’re single! You have to try catching the bouquet! YOU’RE NOT MARRIED!”
Seriously, what happens to married people after they tie the knot? Is there some sort of chemical that’s released in your brain, making you incapable of remembering what it’s like to be unmarried? Is that the same chemical that makes you incapable of staying awake past 10 p.m.?
As we stand around waiting for the bride to throw the flowers, we avoid making eye contact with each other. When we do, it’s usually to murmur something about not wanting to do this. I kid you not, I’ve been to weddings where no one moved after the flowers were thrown, and the bouquet fell to the floor without anyone making a move to catch it. Then one of the flower girls picked it up.
Granted, some women enjoy the bouquet toss, but they either play volleyball and can’t help it, or are part of the small percentage of women who let their Desperate Flag fly because they want all those single groomsmen to know that they’re single and have already begun naming their kids (Addison, Aiden, and Adelaide, I’m sure).
Occasionally you’ll see a fight break out for the bouquet, but it’s usually the result of competition to win, not because of the old wives tale that whoever catches the bouquet will get married next. There’s just something about pretty flowers that brings out the competitive side of women. I think it may have something to do with pent up anger over having to wait an hour at the reception for the bride and groom to finish taking photos.
Have you been to weddings where the women actually enjoyed the bouquet toss and legitimately fought for the right to get married next? Or are the weddings you’ve attended like those I’ve been to, where the men fight over the garter, more than the women fight over the bouquet?