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Imagined Monologues: The Mixtape You Made in the 90s

July 22, 2011

I notice you’ve been listening to a lot of music ever since you bought that new iPod. You think I don’t notice because I’m sitting in your mom’s attic, stuck here beside your old Mariah Carey CDs? Trust me, I know. I bet you think it’s awesome that you can store thousands of songs on that one little thing, but who needs that much music at once anyway? What are you, the freaking Kubla Khan of music?

Don’t you remember spending all that time deciding which songs should go on which side and in what order? How you couldn’t decide if you should put “Hero” or “The Sign” first? I bet you don’t even remember that because you’re too stinking busy putting your iPod on shuffle and letting it do all the work. Well that’s fine by me. I don’t need you sticking any pencils in me, rewinding me in the completely wrong way.

I’m sorry, I don’t mean to sound bitter or angry. But have you ever tried to have a conversation with a CD? He starts stuttering every few minutes. Whose idea was it to put music on something that’s more delicate than Vanilla Ice’s ego? Well that’s what I’ve been forced to deal with ever since you relegated me to second-class status. Though, you put all your music on something whose face will shatter if you drop him, so durability doesn’t really seem to matter to you. No, you just care about what’s cool and whether the High and Mighty Priest of Technology Steve Jobs created it. Whatever, man. If it will make you feel better, I’ll start calling myself an iTape. Would that make me cool enough?

I get it. New and shiny things come along and you can’t help but try them. And I’m sure that one day you’ll be rummaging around the attic and find me, and maybe you’ll pick me up and be flooded with good memories. Maybe you’ll even stick me in a tape deck and I’ll finally get to hear the songs that have been stuck in my head for 20 years. A cassette tape can dream, right? It’s better than talking to that oversized moron CD.

4 Comments leave one →
  1. July 22, 2011 12:10 pm

    Dear Cassette Tape,

    Be glad your brother VHS outlasted both BetaMax and LaserDisc.


  2. July 22, 2011 2:56 pm

    Dear Cassette Tape,

    If it makes you feel ANY better, I have you in a box of other things I cherish, awaiting the day when I have kids and I can pull you out and say ‘Behold! This is the stuff of legend!’. It’ll happen. Eventually. I think.

  3. July 22, 2011 3:03 pm

    Cassette Tape,

    I don’t want to even hear it. You killed the 8-track!

  4. Liz permalink
    July 27, 2011 5:46 pm

    Ben and I put our giant box of 90’s mix tapes under Judge’s bed, along with the old yellow Walkman. It’s just waiting to be “discovered”!

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