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Sharks Aren’t Complicated

August 4, 2011

Anyone who grew up in the 90s has asked themselves at one time or another why Jonathan Taylor Thomas isn’t wildly famous, or at least as famous as Donny Wahlberg. As a member of the Council of Awesometown, we have each arrived at an answer and you can read it here. Mine is the long-winded answer. After you read that post, you should peruse all of Knox McCoy’s site because he’s basically hilarious and will make your day better, guaranteed.

 

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In other news, it’s shark week somewhere on television. I do not watch nature shows because seeing animals being eaten alive, or baby elephants getting separated from their herd and therefore causing the mother’s heart to break is not my idea of a good time. Therefore, I’ve never taken part in the week that is for sharks. So I can only assume that everything I’ve seen in movies, or made up in my head, about sharks is true. Such as,

1. Dolphins will beat up sharks, so just become friends with dolphins and you can do whatever you want around sharks.

2. Hammerhead sharks got their name because they are the contractors that underwater sponges use to build their pineapple homes. They’re also excellent for building underwater crab patty restaurants.

3. There are two kinds of sharks: The really huge kind like in Jaws (great white shark maybe?), and hammerhead sharks. Although hammerheads make great contractors, they’re usually the dumber of the two kinds.

4. If you’re ever in a fight with a shark, just punch it in the nose. Hard. Repeatedly.

5. You really don’t need to worry about sharks as much as you need to worry about stingrays. Those little buggers killed Steve Irwin, so aren’t they the real enemy here?

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Now that you’ve wasted five minutes reading this, go back to Knox McCoy’s site and re-read the Council of Awesometown.

 

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