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Sequels are the American Way

August 15, 2011

I don’t like apes, chimps, or any form of monkey. I think they’re gross, annoying, and just waiting for the right moment to rip your face off. So I will not be watching Rise of the Planet of the Apes. However, I will be giving Hollywood four sequels ideas that are better and less annoying than another movie about apes taking over the world.

1. Ocean’s 14: Italian Style The gang teams up with Mark Wahlberg’s character from The Italian Job to pull off a heist in Tuscany.

2. Final Destination 6: Web MD People look up their ailments on Web MD and become convinced they have a spinal tumor, only to find out it’s just a mosquito bit on their neck.

3. Sister Act 3: Make a Gleeful Noise Sister Mary Clarence takes her skills to the next level by taking a rag tag team of students and their nun teachers to a national glee club competition. Special appearance by Lauryn Hill.

4. The Sandlot: Dodging Bankruptcy The boys from The Sandlot are now adults and their grandchildren somehow become friends with all the Dodgers players and teach them to love baseball again. Their new-found love for baseball spreads to the Dodgers fans, and increased ticket sales saves the Dodgers from their bankruptcy.

One Comment leave one →
  1. Schniff schnaff Shalomie permalink
    August 15, 2011 5:49 pm

    I must say, they actually did a great job with the aforementioned ape movie. Had some depth too it, and avoided the cheese of its predecessors. And John Lithgow was in it, taking an ape out of the city to the forest in a station wagon… You know what I’m talking about.
    I’m up for those sequels. How about “Pirates of the Carribean 5: Weekend at Bernies”, where one of the Pirates dies during a voyage to treasure, but the find the corpse becomes animated at the sound of swashbuckling tunes.

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