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The Return of the Search for the World’s Worst Chick Flick

September 16, 2011

Several months ago I was doing a series on the blog about the search for the world’s worst chick flick. After a few months I got tired of doing them because a lot of chick flicks are just the same thing over and over and most of what I had to say was summed up in this: There’s no way these two people will end up living happily ever after. So I stopped. Then I watched Something Borrowed and was so riled up at how ridiculously stupid this movie was, that I had to resurrect this series so I could spread the word.

WARNING: Here be some spoilers, so proceed with caution if you haven’t seen it and plan on watching it.

Something Borrowed is based on a book of the same name, by Emily Giffin. It’s about two women, Darcy and Rachel, who have been best friends ever since childhood. They even work into the plot a slideshow of photos. My friend brought up a good point at this part of the movie. If they can make movies with special effects as amazing as Avatar, why do Photoshopped images in most movies still look like they were done with Microsoft Paint?

Darcy is incredibly selfish and always stealing the spotlight from Rachel, even at Rachel’s own birthday party. Rachel gives up the spotlight and lets Darcy do whatever she wants anyway, and stands in her shadow looking like a martyr who will never get her way and likes to believe she’s being humble.

Darcy is engaged to Dex, Rachel’s friend from law school. Now hold on to your seats because there’s a big surprise coming. Rachel used to be totally in love with Dex. I know! Never saw that one coming! But Rachel didn’t have the confidence to believe Dex would be interested in her, (even though it was obvious) so she basically set up Dex and Darcy.

Ethan is another character who has been friends with Darcy and Rachel for years. He’s a nice guy who seems to be the only person who sees Darcy for what she really is. For most of the movie he just shows up randomly and you’re left there wondering what the heck is wrong with Rachel because clearly he is perfect and clearly everyone else in this movie deserves to move to the suburbs and slowly die a metaphorical death of utter despair and unrealized dreams.

Those were strong words. They don’t deserve to live a dreamless life, but they are clearly not selfless enough to ever commit to someone for life.

So! One night Rachel lets slip that she used to be in love with Dex and Dex is all “Huh-whaaaaa?” And they kiss. And then they sleep with each other. And then they’re all “What did we do?!”

Then a bunch of boring stuff happens where you start yelling at the TV. Darcy keeps doing her wedding thing and keeps being incredibly annoying. Rachel keeps waiting for Dex to call off the wedding. Ethan keeps being in love with Rachel and listening to her whine about the situation. Dex fumbles around looking guilty, but not doing anything to change the situation.

Then something finally happens. The wedding is called off, we find out Darcy slept with someone else too, and then Darcy finds out about Rachel and Dex. She gets angry and storms out of the apartment. We fast forward two months and Rachel and Dex are happy and holding hands.

Okay. First of all, I’m left at the end of the movie wondering about poor Ethan. He stands by and defends Rachel and listens to her complain and watches her make stupid decisions. Then he pours out his heart and is still left without the girl.

Instead, the girl ends up with the guy who didn’t have the guts to ask her out in law school, then dates her incredibly selfish and annoying friend, then sleeps with her while he’s engaged, and doesn’t have the guts to call off the wedding because it might hurt his mom’s feelings and he won’t get a fancy house from his rich dad.

Boy oh boy Rachel—way to pick a winner! Then he finally calls the wedding off the week of the ceremony and everyone’s secrets come to light.

Seriously—this movie sucked. Not just because people were cheating on each other, (an utterly horrible way to start a relationship) but because it was boring. For most of the movie you’re sitting there wondering when someone is going to make a move. When is someone going to make a decision. When is Ethan going to tell Rachel he’s in love with her.

And I have no idea why Rachel was friends with Darcy. Other than a brief moment of nostalgic dancing, Rachel seems to be constantly annoyed and hurt by Darcy. Darcy is completely blind to Rachel and unable to see when she’s upset about something. During the entire movie, we are given absolutely no reason why these two women are friends or why they even like each other.

If you’re thinking of staying home this weekend and watching a movie curled up on the couch with a pumpkin spice latte—choose another movie. Ladies, don’t get fooled into believing you’re going to watch a romantic movie that will leave you feeling warm inside. Men, don’t even think about making a deal with your girlfriend/wife/whoever that you’ll watch this movie if she watches Die Hard. Go for a nice classic movie where the characters are actually likable. Something like While You Were Sleeping.

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