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An Open Letter to Sarah McLachlan

September 28, 2011

Dear Sarah,

It’s been a while hasn’t it? I mean, it’s been a while since I listened to your music, not since we talked. Because we’ve never talked. There was a phase in high school when I really liked your music, especially the song Angel. And the song you sang in Toy Story 2? Wow. Just wow. Is that where you got your start in ripping people’s hearts out of their chests? I ask because, well, it’s that commercial you’re in. You know the one.

Hey, I’m an animal lover as much as the next person. I much prefer shelter animals over pure-bred dogs. They’re like a grab bag of personalities. You get all the good parts of a breed’s personality, usually with a little Labrador Retriever thrown in for good measure.

But come on, Sarah. I’m just watching a light-hearted rerun of Home Improvement and you have show up with your “Hi, I’m Sarah McLachlan, and I’m about to ruin your entire day.” We go from laughing about Tim’s hijinks, to wondering what’s wrong with the world because there are dogs with only one eye and cats covered in matted fur with stitches on their face. The only thing that ruins a jovial mood faster are commercials about class-action lawsuits against medical equipment made for old people.

At this point, I’m barely listening to what you’re saying because I can’t stop staring at the animals and wondering how many I could adopt before ending up on Animal Hoarders. Have you thought about maybe lightening things up on these commercials? Maybe less video of wounded animals, and more photos of the “after” pictures when they’ve been adopted. I like happy endings a lot more than tragic beginnings.

I’m not saying get rid of them completely, but let’s try ending on a happy note. Show me frolicking dogs and cats playing with yarn. They can have three legs, but at least show them being happy. Otherwise, you just leave me feeling hopeless and I have no choice but to eat a pint of ice cream and yell Ghandi quotes at the TV.

So let’s make a deal. You ruin my day less and I’ll adopt a shelter pet when I’m ready for one. Heck, I’ll even buy some of your music and listen to it on rainy days or when I’m doing laundry. Maybe I’ll even break out my old CD and sing Angel at the top of my lungs while driving and pretend I’m in a movie from the late 90s. Deal?

Your friend,

Tiffany

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