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Corn Mazes and the Fall Freakout

October 7, 2011
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You may have noticed something in the last few weeks. It’s something I like to call Fall Freakout. It’s a condition that most often affects women, and it starts to happen soon after Labor Day, and hits a full-on frenzy when signs for pumpkin patches and corn mazes start popping up around road sides.

Women start taking photos of babies in pumpkin patches and 45 percent of their diet now consists of pumpkin or pumpkin flavored products. Cardigans make their way out of closets and mums are sold at every intersection.


That is one excited ear of corn

This phenomena is more pronounced during the season because the drawbacks of seasonal changes is almost exclusively good. With winter, you have the cold, weight gain from the holidays, and flu season. With the spring you have allergies, and with the summer you have intense heat and higher than normal expectations that inevitably fall flat. But with the fall, you have cooler weather, pumpkin spice flavors, and super cute clothes.

And did I mention proof of God’s omniscience? Stay with me for a minute. Let’s take a look back at the above-mentioned corn maze, often called a maize maze. What does this prove, you ask? Nothing but detailed planning could result in this kind of clever word play. First, you have the American Indian word maize, which is English for corn. Then, years and years later when men and women alike are freaking out about the change in weather, something thinks, “Self, let’s put a maze in that corn, charge people ten bucks, and let them get lost in it.”

It’s a maze in the maize. Like I said, only Someone with knowledge of America’s future Fall Freakout would think to name corn maize.

This isn’t coincidence, folks. It’s providence. BAM. Happy fall folks. Let’s go drink a pumpkin spice latte while wearing flannel and a cardigan.

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