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Imagined Conversations: WTEWYE

February 6, 2012

If the quotes on the movie posters are any indication, this movie is going to be more painful than natural childbirth (I would imagine...) Photo via Movieline.com

Someone decided to make the non-fiction book What to Expect When You’re Expecting into a movie. Yup. Here’s how I imagine it went down.

Movie executive 1: I’m bored. Let’s make a movie, but something that won’t make me think too much.

Movie executive 2: A chick flick then?

Exec 1: Of course.

Exec 2: Well, we could look through the scripts that have been submitted and find a movie that has something new and original to say.

Exec 1: I don’t have time for that. I need a plane by my vacation in June, so let’s just remake something.

Exec 2: Or what if we just took a book and made it into a movie?

Exec 1: Yes! Brilliant! Then those crazies who were mad about Footloose will leave us alone. What’s a book we could make into a movie? Go look up bestselling books read by women.

[Exec 2 uses his phone to look up books on Amazon.]

Exec 2: Hmmm…Nicholas Sparks, The Help…looks like everything is already been made except cookbooks and What to Expect When You’re Expecting.

Exec 1: Perfect! Let’s do it.

Exec 2: That’s a non-fiction book, though.

Exec 1: So? How hard could it be? Didn’t they do that with the other movie about men not really liking women? What’s the book about anyway?

Exec 2: Pregnancy.

Exec 1: Oh. Well, at least pregnancy lasts nine months, so we can have a large cast of women from all different stages. Then we can advertise it as having an all-star cast with lots of women who really just look like we put a beach ball under their dress. Because, well, it’s Hollywood. They can’t look real. Write that down. Make sure the women don’t actually look pregnant. Also, make sure we hire someone to Photoshop the posters and stuff into glowing and glossy oblivion.

Exec 2: Perfect! Women will eat it up! And if it’s popular enough we can make a sequel about What to Expect When Your Kids Become Holy Teen Terrors.

Exec 1: And make sure we have a lot of product tie-ins so when women leaving the theater feeling inadequate, they’ll go shopping for products from the movie that promise to make them look all glowing an glossy.

Exec 2: Yes! At this rate you’ll be able to get two new planes!

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3 Comments leave one →
  1. Schniff Schnaf Shalomie permalink
    February 6, 2012 4:54 pm

    Although, unfortunately, I will likely see this movie; not because I am married, but because Eric Mendenhall plays a doctor in it.

    This reasoning is the same reason I ended up watching Army Wives, Drop Dead Divas, and Mean Girls 2… I braved the normally-unbearable because of my appreciation for the Mendenhalls.

    • dtdorrin permalink*
      February 7, 2012 12:16 am

      Whaaa?? Okay, now I want to see it. Or at least see the parts with him in it.

  2. February 6, 2012 5:02 pm

    I about died laughing reading this. I mean, seriously, what else could have possibly been their thought process?

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