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How to Start a Successful Gang of Bandits

March 22, 2012

I’m writing a blog post about non-profits and the myths often associated with them. But it’s taking longer than I thought to word everything just how I want, so until then, here’s something to ponder.

How to start a successful gang of bandits. I think the biggest problem most bandits face is that they’re too obvious about their motives. If you see a guy dressed in all black, roaming around your neighbor’s backyard with a tire iron, it’s pretty safe to assume they’re about to bring mischief all up in the joint.

So like most mild-mannered citizens, I started to wonder why more thieves don’t dress like cross-country runners. Get a group of four or five like-minded scallywags, put on some running shoes and shorts, and thieve away. The benefits to this method are obvious. First, when you’re running away, you can stick together and you’ll simply look like a group of high-schoolers training for your next meet. Second, you’ll already be wearing comfortable running shoes and attire. Third, you’ll get great exercise! The key is that you’ll be hiding in plain sight. And if we learned anything from Ocean’s Eleven, it’s the importance of being chill and hiding directly in front of the camera.

The only problem is that you’ll have to limit yourself to small, easy to carry items. But the most valuable things are usually small anyway—jewelry, iPods, government secrets. You get the idea.

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One Comment leave one →
  1. Schniff Schnaf Shalomie permalink
    March 22, 2012 6:11 pm

    Sounds like we should try this out next time the crew is together. Also, if a group of females want to be bandits, they can take their jogging strollers out, and put a hollowed-out baby doll inside.

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