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A Conversation You’ll Never Hear In the Entire World About Anything. Ever.

May 9, 2012

Hey man!

I was really on the fence about that issue the other day, but your profanity-laced and anger-filled argument really helped sway me to your side. I read a bunch of different articles from both sides of the issue, but I still couldn’t make up my mind, because everyone was making good points about why they’re right.

Then I saw your Facebook post where you linked to a funny picture of Voldemort agreeing with the other guys–”the bad guys,” and I thought “Hmmm…maybe he’s right. If Voldemort is on their side, they must have it wrong!”

But then I saw another friend post a similar picture with Darth Vader agreeing with you, and after much logical and unbiased thought, I started to wonder if they were right.

It wasn’t until you posted on Twitter that anyone who agreed with the other guys hated puppies, freedom, and could “eff off” that I really began to understand the depth of the issue and its complete ramifications. If you hadn’t threatened to unfriend or unfollow anyone who disagrees with you, I’m not sure I could have made a completely informed and intelligent decision about this very important issue we’re facing today.

So really, I just wanted to thank you for adding to the debate in a helpful and mature way. I’m sure if you hadn’t expressed your opinions in such a hateful way, I probably would have relied on less snarky sources of information, and then I would have ended up skinning cats in alley an while selling drugs to kindergarteners. Because that’s what everyone who disagrees with us does, am I right? Of course I’m right! I agree with you!

– No one in the entire world, ever.

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