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The Absolute, Final and Definitive Reason for Why the NFL is better than College Football

October 29, 2012

I can give you a whole list of reasons why the NFL is better than college football. You may come back at me with false reasonings such as “college kids play for the love of the game!” In reply I will say “Bulllllllshuckyduckyducky.” One word: scholarships. Two more words: The laaaaaadies. Three more words: Free stuff everywhere.

In all honesty, I would probably love college football if I had a favorite team, if I could keep track of the 4,329 teams, or if they had a playoff system. But since they don’t, I like the NFL.

But the real reason. The final reason. The ULTIMATE REASON is this:

In the NFL, you are never subjected to hearing the first twenty seconds of “Carmina Burana” played by a marching band every 10 minutes.

WHAT is their obsession with this song? And why do they always stop before it gets really good? Every time I am subjected to hearing it, I hold a candle of hope in my heart that they’ll keep playing and really get into it. That they’ll blow the doors off the stadium. That candle is quickly distinguished and I’m left with nothing but a disdain for marching bands, and by extension, the entire establishment of college football.*

Instead, they just play 15 seconds and then—I can only assume—sit back and revel in the glory that they feel they deserve for playing a song that every other marching band in the country plays. 

I don’t think I can stress to you the amount of annoyance I have for this moment in college football. It’s not the song itself. It’s the frequency with which they play it, and the fact that THEY NEVER FINISH THE SONG.

Why this song anyway? Is it supposed to be intimidating? Because there is absolutely nothing intimidating about playing the first 15 seconds of any song. That would be like deciding to invade a country, then getting to their shore, seeing the big dunes you’ll have to climb over, and just deciding to have a picnic on the beach instead.

The only thing that could make it worse is if they play it on the vuvuzela. And if that every happens I can guarantee you I’ll need to buy a new television, because mine will be thrown outside on the lawn.

*Calm down, people. I don’t really hate it that much. I just get annoyed. FINISH THE SONG.

(In case you don’t know what song I’m referencing.)

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3 Comments leave one →
  1. October 30, 2012 11:25 am

    Your post would have been better if it were not packaged as why the NFL is better than college. I am a huge college football fan, who doesn’t care much for the NFL. However, I can understand (on some level) why you may prefer the NFL over CFB.

    In fact, I share your disdain for most of the cookie-cutter college bands that exist. While I love the fact that CFB incorporates things such as bands, etc., the truth is that most bands are horrible. The few that are not horrible, are just the ones that do the same thing better than the rest. It is very rare, in today’s world of CFB, to find a college band that is truly unique. I think this is a product of Athletic Directors, etc. that look at CFB as a product that should be packaged and sold as something similar to the NFL. After all, the NFL could not be more cookie-cutter in just about everything they do (at least in terms of the fan experience, etc.).

    Don’t be offended, as if this is a knock on the NFL, then it is a knock on CFB as well.

    Anyway, if your post was titled something along the lines of why college bands are lame, then I could agree with you a lot more. However, to say that the NFL is better than CFB b/c the college bands are lame . . . well, I am not sure I can follow you that far (as I said, I like CFB a lot more, but I too have issues with the bands and their choices of music).

    Here, I even wrote a post about Ohio State’s Band and the Texas Longhorn Band: http://onepointsafety.com/2012/10/16/college-marching-bands/

    Enjoy!

    • dtdorrin permalink*
      October 30, 2012 11:46 am

      Thanks for the comment! I was writing most of this in jest, and you’re right–my complaint is more about the band than the game. That was part of the silliness. Though I was completely serious about how annoying I find it.

      But I’ve long held the belief that most of the reasons people give for not liking the NFL, but liking CFB, don’t make sense. They’re both about making money first, and everything else is secondary.

      • October 30, 2012 12:45 pm

        Hey, no problem! I figured it was mostly in-jest, and that is okay. I still felt that random and sudden urge to respond.

        I could tell you were serious about how annoying you find it to be, and I can assure you that cookie-cutter CFB bands and traditions are equally annoying to me.

        As for both making money first, yeah, you are probably right about that. Both CFB and the NFL are about making a lot of money, first and foremost. However, the difference between the two is this: With CFB, there is more too it than just making money (despite money being the first and biggest thing). However, with the NFL, that is all there is. If there was no money to be made, the NFL would cease to exist. However, CFB would not cease . . . it would just continue on a much smaller scale. (That is my guess anyway.)

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